“Nothing shapes our journey through life so much as the questions we ask.” ~Greg Levoy
“My Way” by Frank Sinatra has been a bit of a soundtrack to my life. When it comes to my career path, I have opted more often than not for the alternative routes—studying and working abroad, setting up social projects, and being my own boss. It’s something that my friends still joke about, because my only goal was to stay in my hometown after graduation, to get a good job and to never leave.
However, it turns out that it wasn’t a soundtrack that I was marching my life to; it was a question. And I wasn’t, in fact, living things My Way. I tried to live the things instead How to do it the right way, marching to the unconscious primary question of “How can I get it right?”
What’s more, it was this question that was holding me back from the purpose-driven vision that I had for my life.
My unconscious mind kept searching for something, even though I knew that Rome was the only way to go. How to do it the right way. It made me abandon a current plan and start the newest right path I was always on guard for any hint of a potential failure. It was a real life changer for me to open my eyes and see the question at the core of my actions.
What is the primary question, and why could it be preventing you from moving forward?
We ask ourselves a primary question many times every day. It’s one particular question that essentially shapes who we are, how we act, and what we expect to get out of life. You are unique. It depends on your circumstances and past experiences.
It is often a question that relates to the things you are most passionate about and your greatest fears. This is because your primary question’s main aim is to keep you safe. You will never be able to keep up with the constant effort. Get it Right My biggest fear was failure. I would do anything to avoid it.
Many of us do not know our primary question. But once you learn it, it will change the way you act and make decisions. It can also free you of a self-sabotaging habit that has prevented you from getting what you really want.
What is You can also find out more about us on our website. primary question?
The stress and struggle you experience in areas of your life that are important to you, whether it’s purpose, family, health, or career, is due to the question at the core. So, thinking of an important area of life that you’re experiencing struggles in, what could be the question underlying it all?
You’re looking for the question that, if you don’t find the answer to it, will lead to suffering, loss, shame, or the breakdown of relationships. Most likely, your question is related to the need for approval, love, certainty or significance.
Examples of primary questions include:
- What can I improve?
- How can I achieve success?
- How can I gain the respect of others?
- How can I ensure my safety?
- How can I protect my self?
- What can I do to improve?
- How can I improve my performance?
- How can I do it?
- How can I be sure?
Create Your Own New Primary Question
After you’ve discovered your primary questions, you can easily change them. Now, if you’re anything like me, you might start feeling the need to get it right (my primary question, ha!). You’re concerned that if you don’t choose the perfect new primary question, then it won’t work.
Worry not, as the key here isn’t to find the perfect words, but to find some empowering words to help you snap out of your old question in times of stress.
Gratitude is the best place to begin. The primary question can be used as an antidote by helping you appreciate the life you live now and think about how you could improve on it.
Here’s the primary question I use to empower myself: How can I make the most of this moment to share more about who I am and what I’m all about?
Once you have your chosen words, it’s time to train your brain. By consistently and consciously asking yourself the new question every time you’re in a challenging situation, it will become your automatic question to ask in critical times of stress.
Now, when I’m triggered by parts of my purpose-related path, instead of jumping ship on my present idea or drowning in the fear of potential failure, I center myself on what’s Right now Not what? Needs to be right. And now that I don’t have to find How to do it the right way Rome is finally within reach My Way.
About Angharad Davis
Angharad is a purpose-mentor and coach who has a MA degree in Psychology. She’s on a quest to finally live her own purpose after a twenty year search. Watch her free purpose breakthrough workshop and be sure to follow her on Instagram and Facebook for more purpose wisdom.
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