“Trying to change ourselves does not work in the long run because we are resisting our own energy. Self-improvement can have temporary results, but lasting transformation occurs only when we honor ourselves as the source of wisdom and compassion.” ~Pema Chodron The Places that Scare You
In my late thirties I was a yoga teacher. I lived alone in a beautiful, small studio apartment in Tel Aviv Israel right next to a beach.
Every morning I woke up in my big bed with a white canopy and said a morning prayers. After meditation, I did pranayama and yoga asana.
After I was done, I made myself a healthy breakfast. I sat down at the wooden rectangular dining table facing the large window and row of ficus trees, which kept me from the outside world. I ate slow and mindfully.
My life has changed since then. I met my husband, married him, had a son, started a business and moved to the USA. I stopped enjoying the luxury of a two and a half hour morning sadhana. My morning prayer remained with me throughout.
I am grateful for everything that I have and for everything that I don’t have.
I am thankful for the opportunity to live.
I love me just the way I am.
I love the way my life is.
I love sentient beings in all their forms.
All sentient beings should be happy and peaceful.
This prayer was written because I wanted gratitude for life. I wanted to love my self, but I didn’t. It was sort of “fake it till you make it.”
This principle was adapted from the metta Bhavana practice. This practice involves sending love and good wishes to yourself, to someone you love, to someone neutral, and finally to someone with whom you have problems.
You can send love to people you don’t agree with. It is hard for this person to be happy. It becomes easier the more you do it. You become more authentic and free from hatred.
Similar to my thinking, I believed that if I told myself I was grateful enough, I would eventually be grateful. I could tell myself I loved myself if I kept telling myself this.
Today, I can tell you that I do love myself, and I do enjoy my life. But the more I am happy with what I have, the harder it is to say that I am happy for everything I don’t have.
For example, right now I am unhappy with my business’s income.
I could think for myself and get out of my dissatisfaction.
I can tell myself that my business was only three years old, right before COVID. While I don’t make enough money, my financial situation continues to improve.
My husband is able to provide enough income for us both, so I am happy as is. It gives me great joy to inspire and serve others. I know that I’m fulfilling my purpose. Many affirmations confirm that I’m on the right track.
I could count my blessings.
I am a person who is honest, sincere, and loves my son. My son and I share an extraordinary bond. My charming, old house is in the heart of a wonderful city. It’s like heaven on earth. I am blessed with great friends and a strong network of like-minded people.
These gifts are not my own.
When we are unhappy or unsatisfied in our lives, this is what most people do. We try to ignore our dissatisfaction. We remind ourselves of all the good reasons to be satisfied. We are able to tell ourselves to stop complaining, and instead be happy.
However, if we try to fake gratitude or focus on our joys rather than our sorrows, it does not improve our happiness.
Let me explain.
There is pain behind our dissatisfaction.
There may be childhood hurts and weaknesses. We can’t ignore our frustrations and miss an opportunity to explore these themes.
My discontent was deeply rooted in my childhood. My father was a banker and my mother an artist. My mother was passionate about art and other cultures. She wanted to travel to many countries. Although she worked hard to raise her three children, she was not able to travel because my father believed it was a waste time and money. My mother was not allowed to have any say in the matter, as she wasn’t the one making the money in the house.
As a result, I made a promise to myself as a child that I would not be financially dependent on anyone. I decided to study economics and accounting to make a career out of finance. While my job did not fulfill me, it gave me financial security.
My definition of a sustainable income was not having one, which I considered to be being as weak as my mother.
Once I understood this, I was able to work with it. It helped me to remember that I wasn’t my mom. That I was a great businesswoman. That I’d made some good investments. I was strong.
Because we are afraid of feeling dissatisfaction or pain, they can bring us down. Depression is actually caused by not taking care of the pain. Your discontent can only be suppressed for so long. After a while, all the things you thought were under the rug are exposed and you realize that it has grown larger and larger in its dark hideout.
When I was eighteen, my mother passed away, and I resolved to live every moment of it. I felt very grateful to be alive and wanted to express my gratitude with constant happiness. I have been living in the United States for a few years. Forcibly All the pain, hurt and loneliness was pushed aside by me to make myself happy.
I used to feel like the most powerful person in the world until one day, I lost it all. I became so depressed, I couldn’t get up from my bed for months and didn’t stop crying.
At first, I did not even understand why I was depressed while my life was so “perfect.” It took me years to open my eyes and see all the things I refused to acknowledge before.
Since then, I’ve come a long way. I stopped running from my pain. I turned around, looked it in the eyes, and said, “let’s be friends.”
Even though I have many reasons to be thankful, I can still be unhappy. I will not judge myself for it. I won’t tell myself to stop whining, or to snap out. I will not deny the pain nor try to change it.
It’s not easy to accept your pain or dissatisfaction.
This is our natural tendency to avoid these feelings and to avoid them. It is necessary to resist our instincts.
When I first skied the slope, my instincts told to me to lean back in order to avoid falling. However, falling back is what you do. To slow down and enjoy the slope, you must lean forward.
The same principle applies to letting go of your dissatisfaction. Accepting your dissatisfaction is the first step to working with it. You become its teacher. You learn to appreciate its wisdom. Only then can transformation occur and you are content.
Hence, I continue to say the same morning prayers.
In his book Infinite LifeRobert Thurman quotes Ram Dass who once asked him his Guru “’What about the horrors in Bengal?’ His guru smiled to him and said, ‘Don’t you see, it’s all perfect!’ Ram Dass then said, ‘Yeah! It’s perfect—but it stinks!’”
Thurman says that there are two types of perceptions of reality we need to keep together. The enlightened perception is ideal, where everything is perfect. There is also the samsaric perspective, in which we feel pain and dissatisfaction. These must be recognized and worked with.
When I pray my morning prayers, I am able to see the world with an enlightened perspective. When I begin my day, I try to remember to tap into my deepest feelings, especially when there is pain, frustration and dissatisfaction. It makes me happier.
window.addEventListener(‘load’, function(event) { tinybuddha.linkToMorePosts();});
Yael Teramel
Yael is a Debra Silverman Certified Astrologer. She is also a writer and mother. For twenty-two years, she has been studying and practicing meditation, yoga, as well as Buddhism. Yael is a twelve-year veteran of financial tech. Her spiritual approach to life is grounded and spiritual. Her website has a wealth astrological information including astrology basics as well as an astrology calendar. You can find her also on Facebook and Instagram.
Join the conversation! Click here to comment on the site.
The post The Best Way to Deal with Dissatisfaction (It’s Not What You Think) appeared first on Tiny Buddha.
