“Kindness is choosing love over hate, light over darkness, compassion over judgment.” ~Raktivist
One of the things about being “good” (and for me that includes things like patience, kindness, and being agreeable) is that people assume things about me. They think I’m always patient, I always make the right decisions, and I’m an all-around great person.
Well, I’m not always anything—except human. This means that I can make mistakes. Some are big. This week, I DID NOT set a perfect example. In a flash, I was loud and emotional. I melted down.
My answer was the lesson.
It came to me during my apology: I didn’t take care of myself. I didn’t take the time to decompress and breathe.
When I’m run down, everyone feels it. And when I’m full, everyone feels it. It’s not an excuse for my behavior; it’s awareness that is teaching me how my needs fit into the equation of life.
This one question sent me down the rabbit hole. All week, I was curious. Why did it happen?? Throughout the week, I received answers.
It happens because when you’re perfect, good, and strong, other people think you can handle anything because you normally handle All of us are able to do this.. It is true that this makes it harder to ask for help.
It happens because you don’t want to let people down.
It happens because you’re taught that if you’re not giving, you’re taking.
It happens because you’re taught to believe that everyone else’s needs are just a little more important than yours.
It happens because you believe that you need to do it “all” because it’s proof that you’re worthy (of love, space, time… you name it).
You give because your family, culture and society have taught you to give.
And there’s nothing wrong with giving. But if you don’t learn how to receive, you’ll end up burned out, overworked, and underwhelmed with your life. Instead of giving with love and joy, you’ll give from a place of frustration and resentment.
Receiver is the way to get. Keep in mind that giving. It’s the part of the puzzle no one teaches us about. It’s the missing piece that we beat ourselves up over, judging and criticizing ourselves for not being able to be everything for everyone.
Whether it’s boundaries, food, sleep, work, or family, we believe we’re lacking some quality that’s the answer to how we can meet our own needs without guilt. Like the ability to be nice to ourselves is a personality trait we don’t possess.
But there’s nothing wrong with any of us. We’ve all just been practicing some old, unhelpful habits.
Lately, I’ve been wondering what happens when you start practicing constructive habits instead of destructive ones.
So I decided to give it a go.
This time I was able to catch myself in mid-act after my meltdown and take care of myself.
I took a pause, got up and changed the situation. I apologized, checked in, and found a victory. Accepting ourselves, rather than judging ourselves, allows us to connect with others, despite how ugly our imperfections may appear. All that judging and shaming is so distracting from the one goal we all want—to be happy.
I’ve noticed constructive habits keep offering me insight from somewhere deep inside. I don’t know if it’s intuitive knowledge or universal wisdom. In either case, it helps me and my family. In the end, my response to myself became the example that I wanted to set.
What if it happened every time you messed up? What if we told ourselves, I always yell The following are some examples of how to use I am not a good speaker, we ask ourselves a question? Instead of being mean to ourselves, we get curious…
Ask, Why did this happen?
What insight could it lead to? What new doors will it open for us? We will certainly make mistakes in the future. But what if instead of making the same mistakes over and over, we made something new? What if we could evolve through compassion?
It’s taken me a long time to feel like making mistakes is acceptable and even longer to feel comfortable sharing them. This is the biggest lesson of them all. When you succeed, take care of yourself.
You will sometimes make mistakes. Sometimes you will be in the wrong. You can apologize. You can forgive yourself. You can forgive yourself. It’s okay to keep the lesson in your heart, but still move on.
Stop replaying and judging your worst moments. The feelings of guilt, embarrassment and self-loathing do not motivate us, but keep us stuck.
You can get there by Getting Unstuck Our greatest challenge is how we will evolve. Imperfection isn’t your flaw. It’s your opportunity to grow.
We’re all better at celebrating our wins than we are at finding the gold buried in our losses. But I believe that’s a new habit worth developing. The power of this new muscle is to help us get away from perfectionism, people pleasing, and regret.
Take care of yourself.
It’s how to experience the life you want.
It’s how to have deep, meaningful, and lasting relationships.
It’s how to achieve and feel good.
Take good care of yourself—so you don’t get burned out and so you don’t waste your limited energy getting down on yourself.
You can have a positive impact on the entire world.
Nithya Karia, a lifestyle and health coach, teaches women five simple habits that will help them prioritize their happiness and health without guilt. Nithya Karia is a lifestyle coach who teaches women how to change their habits to create High Vibe Habits. Learn more about High Vibe living: https://nithyakaria.com
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