Change Made Easy: How to Get Unstuck by Doing What You’re Already Doing

“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take action. Take action and your feelings will change.” ~Barbara Baron

You’re stuck because you wait. You want to do You need to do the things that you know are necessary to improve your life. You aren’t doing the things you know you need to do because you don’t want to feel bad, but you already feel bad. You are already doing what you don’t want to do. Why not choose to do something that you don’t want to do that will actually move you forward?

You’ll remain stuck if you don’t want to change.

My entire life was spent in misery, self-hatred and despair. I knew that there were ways to help like exercise, diet, and therapy. It was also clear that there were parts of me that I was not willing to admit or confront. You know, like how selfish I was, how low-skilled I was about most things, and how men treated me when I was using them.

Everyone has a shadow side. All of us are imperfect. It gave me the space to heal myself and to nurture myself by not running away and hiding these parts from others. It allowed me to take one small step towards taking control of my thoughts, which led to another.

Depending on how depressed, miserable, or disconnected you are from your spirit and yourself, what you should do is dependent on where you are at the moment.

If you are at the point where you can’t get out of bed because you hate yourself and your life, then start with mirror work. It’s not easy for most of us to look into our own eyes in the mirror. Face-to-face with ourselves is better than focusing on others. This can lead to self-judgment. As we practice loving words for ourselves, it becomes easier and more comfortable to question that judgment.

Start small. Simply place your hand on your heart and tell yourself, “I am trying to love you.” “I want to learn to love you.” “I love you.” Repeat this over and over.

Call a friend if you are in need of a friend to help you get out of bed.

It might feel like you’re the only one struggling, and you might fear that asking for help means you’re weak, inferior, or a burden. Everyone has their own way. And people want to help, but we often don’t know how or what to do. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s brave and takes courage to ask for help. You deserve praise for asking for help.

You don’t have to make huge changes in order to create a better life. You can make small changes every day that will help you move forward. You might resist small things.

Let’s say a friend suggests you try painting, journaling, going for a walk in nature, meditating, or stretching. More than likely, you’ll say, “I don’t want to.” More than likely, you have received this advice before. I’d pick the suggestion that you hear the most often or the one that you are most resistant to.

Let’s use painting, for example. Your knee-jerk reaction might be to say, “I am not an artist” or “I am not creative.” That’s a lie. That is your mind trying to keep you where you are because that’s what the mind does. Even if you find yourself in a tough spot mentally, your brain will accept the status quo as normal. It is what your brain and body know.

All of us are creative beings and have unlimited knowledge. We can heal ourselves. To connect to something higher than our thoughts and minds. You have that power within you, but you have to take a different approach to what you are already doing, and that means doing what you don’t want to do.

Ask yourself: What is the smallest step, the smallest thing that I don’t want to do, that will move me forward?

It was the commitment to daily meditation for three minutes each day. I knew that this was achievable. Once I started the practice, I was able to spend more than three minutes. At first, I felt restless and uncomfortable. But after a few months, I began to enjoy the practice. It feels like bliss when my heart expands and my mind is filled with positive thoughts.

Meditation is something I do now for ten to twenty minutes each day. I made it a daily habit and continued to practice meditation.

Meditation has allowed me to pause and be curious about my thoughts, rather than get carried away by them.

For example, let’s say I have the thought “OMG, he has not called me in two days. He must not like me. I am a sucker. I am not worthy of their love. I am so boring. Perhaps I should text him. Wait, no, don’t text him…”

Mediation has given me the ability to hear the first thought—“OMG, he has not called me in two days”—and stop it right there.

Through consistent practice, I learned to pause my thoughts and change their course.

So now my internal dialogue would sound like “He is probably busy, but if he doesn’t like me, that’s okay too because I like me. What is something I can do in this moment that will bring me joy?”

Mediation has allowed me to let go of my past and to allow new ideas to emerge. One thought can only be allowed at a given moment. If you’re constantly thinking negatively about yourself or others, it is impossible to have creative, loving, supportive and healing thoughts.

For years I have been on a journey to recovery and healing from trauma. There were times when I felt frustrated and would spiral back down, but by making things I don’t want to do habits, I’ve changed my life. It all comes down to small, simple steps.

Commit to one tiny thing that you don’t want to do, that you can do every day, for a hundred days, and see what happens. Prepare to be amazed.

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Larry Smith